article_relationshipresolutions.html

Laurie Cameron

Laurie Cameron

Certified Coach & Master Certified Relationship Coach

The Journey From Fear to Love

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The TOP 10 "Evolutionary Relationship" Resolutions for 2009

‘Tis the Season...for promising ourselves to do better in the New Year. With a renewed desire to be better human beings, we make all kinds of resolutions: to lose weight, or to save more money, or to exercise more, or to eat better, or to spend more time with our families.

But what about the part of our lives that we so often take for granted, yet generally needs the most attention - our relationships?

Even though most of us immediately think of a romantic partner when we hear the term "relationship," the truth is that we are in a relationship with everyone in our lives: spouse, domestic partner, business partner, friend, neighbor, parent, child, sibling, co-worker, employee, manager, etc.

And how well we relate to each of them, which also dictates how healthy or unhealthy the relationship is, depends on whether we're coming from an unconscious state of fear, or from compassion and love.

If we're relating to others from fear - fear of not feeling safe, connected, or valued - then those relationships will never be as healthy and loving as they could be. They will be peppered with unresolved drama and misunderstandings. They will feel like work. They will feel closed in. They will make us feel undervalued and small.

If, on the other hand, we're relating to each other from a place of confidence, compassion, and love, then those relationships will be "evolutionary": they will have the freedom to grow and evolve more naturally and gracefully. They will feel expansive, like anything is possible. They will feel joyful, supportive and liberating. They will feel safe. These relationships will feel just like we want them to feel and know they can feel.

I truly believe that each one of us really wants to have healthy, safe, connected "evolutionary" relationships. But if we don't know how to create and sustain them, our only other choice is to fall back into our old patterns and conditioning, which are more likely to be fear-based. Without knowing what to do instead of what we're doing now that's perpetuating the drama and fear, there's little hope for improvement.

So here's some hope! Below are The TOP 10 "Evolutionary Relationship" Resolutions for 2009 . Look them over and see which ones resonate the most with you. Which have you practiced in the past but have forgotten about? Which are new to you? Which intrigue you enough to explore some more?

NOTE: In these resolutions, the word "partner" refers to the other person in any relationship in your life: spouse, date, friend, family member, co-worker, neighbor, etc. And "he" and "she" are used interchangeably.

The TOP 10 "Evolutionary Relationship" Resolutions for 2009

1. I resolve to remember that when my partner says or does something that doesn't feel supportive, he's coming from his own fears, just like I do sometimes.

2. I resolve to treat my partner's feelings as valid, regardless of whether or not I understand or agree with those feelings.

3. I resolve to support my partner's personal growth on her timeline, not mine.

4. I resolve to first ask what my partner needs in order to feel loved or appreciated, and then to gently ask for what I want in the relationship.

5. I resolve to remember that I'm the only person in a relationship that I can change.

6. I resolve to be aware of my own behavior "triggers," and take full ownership of my "stuff."

7. I resolve to do my best to always speak to my partner in a loving, compassionate tone of voice, and to use words that build love rather than de-construct the relationship.

8. I resolve to focus on the gifts and the lessons hidden in the frustrations and challenges in each of my relationships.

9. I resolve to honor that both my partner and I are Divine works-in-progress, who have the capacity to learn and grow from our past mistakes and poor judgment.

10. I resolve to do my best in every moment to be an "Evolutionary Partner" and create an environment where my partner feels valued and connected, and safe to grow and evolve naturally and gracefully.

Too big? Too much? If taking on these ten new resolutions feels too daunting for you, that's perfectly understandable. Pick just one to start with. Raise your awareness by paying attention to what you're thinking and saying, and practice the resolution for a month. Take the time to build that relationship muscle. Then add another one when you feel ready. This is not a race or a competition – it's your life.

The secret is that these are ongoing, day-to-day intentions for how you want to BE in all of your relationships. Learning how to become proficient at these skills takes some practice and practice takes time.

All it requires of you is that you commit to doing your best in any given moment, and then learn from those times when you think your best yesterday can be better today. That's the process of WAKING UP!

Here's a good place to begin: Imagine that each relationship in your life is the best it can be. You feel safe, connected, and valued. Picture that ideal relationship in your head, and feel it in your heart.

Now answer this question: What's ONE step you can take to move in the direction of that vision in just ONE of those relationships? What's one new thought that will help you make the shift away from fear and towards more love in that relationship?

(Remember that YOU are the only person in the relationship you can change, so be sure to focus on that, rather than what you think the other person needs to change.)

After that, just put one foot in front of the other and trust that you're moving in the right direction. Because when you're coming from love, you're always moving in the right direction.

Even when you think you've "screwed up" or fallen back into old habits and patterns, if your intention is to be loving and compassionate, you will always be moving in the right direction.

So take a deep breath, put on a smile, and step onto the path of your own personal Journey from Fear to Love!

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Laurie Cameron, CC, MCRC, is Your "Evolutionary Relationship" Expert! She's ready to help you eliminate heartache and drama from all your relationships... FOREVER! Contact her at 303-740-0352, or Catalyst (at) LaurieCameron (dot) com. Website: www.LaurieCameron.com ; Blog: http://TodayIChooseLove.com; Book: www.TheJourneyFromFearToLove.com.