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Laurie Cameron

Certified Coach & Master Certified Relationship Coach

The Journey From Fear to Love

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Weekly WAKE UP Call!

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October 27 , 2008

 

The BIG JUMP

 

One of my favorite stories as a child was called "The Big Jump."

 

Once upon a time, in a far away land, only the king could own dogs. He was a kind king, though, and he let the children of the village play with the dogs every day. One boy in particular, whose name was Ben, was especially fond of one of the dogs. But since he wasn't a king, he couldn't have the dog.

 

Seeing how much Ben loved the dog, the king told Ben that if he could do the BIG JUMP - jump to the top of the castle steps - Ben could have the little dog. As I remember the illustration in the book, there were a lot of steps to the top, and the king could do it in one leap.

 

Well, Ben went home and tried everything he could think of to jump to the top of the castle steps. He tried pole vaulting, but the top step was too high for him to reach. He tried standing on some boxes, but he still couldn't jump to the top step.

 

Remember that Ben was pretty motivated to have that dog.

 

He came back the next day and, as all the other children watched, he jumped from the ground up to the first step. Then he jumped from the first step up to the second step. (You know where this is going, don't you?)

 

Eventually, he had jumped, one step at a time, to the top step of the castle, and the king and all the children cheered. I'm sure my Mom and I cheered enthusiastically, too, the first hundred or so times she read the book to me.

 

The king then acknowledged that he never specified that Ben had to make it to the top step in one single jump. Ben was really motivated by what he wanted, and he got creative – he thought outside the box and he found his own solution – one small jump at a time added up to one BIG JUMP. Ben gratefully received the gift of the dog, named him Jump, and they lived happily ever after.

 

I know you've heard this analogy in a variety of different ways, with the same moral and lesson at the end of it: if a task feels too big to manage all at once, break it down into smaller, more doable steps. We can apply this to building or expanding a business, and to getting fit, and to any task that appears overwhelming.

 

So what does this have to do with "waking up" your relationships? EVERYTHING!

 

Is there a relationship in your life – with a co-worker, spouse, past partner, neighbor, or friend – that needs a "big jump?"

 

Is there something that needs to be said that feels too big and scary to say? Some disagreement that's been festering for a while and is creating a wider and wider gap in the connection? Is there toxic energy that's been corroding the relationship and you know it needs to be cleared somehow, but you're afraid of the confrontation and have decided it's just easier to avoid in the hopes that it will just go away?

 

(Sidebar: avoiding toxic relationship energy is just as destructive physically as hoping that if you just ignore high blood pressure, it'll go away on its own.)

 

Well, you can use the same principle with healing/fixing/repairing big relationship challenges as you can with other large tasks: Start with an idea of where you want to go, then take it one small step at a time.

 

What's your vision for the ideal situation in that relationship? Blessing it and releasing it? Developing a closer connection? Remodeling it into a different form that suits you both better?

 

After you have an idea of what you want, then take one step at a time. Talk to the other person and share your boundaries or challenges and your hopes for the relationship.

 

Too big a jump? Write out what you want to say to help you organize your thoughts. Still too big a jump? Get some support, like coaching, to help you sort out your thoughts.

 

STILL too big a jump? Try taking 5 minutes to sit quietly and just send love to that person and trust that you'll know the next step to take when the time is right.

 

Whatever you want to "fix" in that relationship may actually happen quickly, or it may take longer than you really want it to.

 

Do SOMETHING to move forward. Avoid avoidance. Clean up the toxic energy. Get creative. Get help. Breathe. Get ready. Know what you want. Then step up and take that first jump.

 

(c) 2008 Laurie Cameron. All rights in all media reserved

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NOTE: you have my permission to share or reprint this article, as long as you include the following byline at the end of it:

 

 

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